It has been one of those days where I feel like I was in nonstop motion. Meetings, appointments, phone calls, and hallway conversations left me with little time to think or exhale. So here I am after 10:00 p.m., munching my kale salad and trying to string coherent thoughts together for this post. I am finding that it isn’t the fasting that I am struggling with, it’s the sleep deprivation as I acclimate myself to getting up around 4:00 a.m. to eat, write my morning journal, do my daily reading and meditation and then start my day. Then on days like today when I have evening commitments I don’t get home until late and, again, no time to take a break. This is not a pace I am planning to sustain.
I had the interesting experience this evening of dining with friends and watching them eat. For the most part it was fine. Other than a few questions about what I was doing and admiring my stamina, we settled in to talking and them eating. My partner said she intentionally chose this particular restaurant because she knows I don’t like it and so wouldn’t be sat to be sitting there watching other people eat things I loved but couldn’t eat. It is, in fact, a place where I don’t enjoy the food, though the fried rice looked really good.
So tonight will not be one of deep insights, as I am extremely tired. I will say that each day I am learning and managing things a little differently and a little better. Now f I can only get the sleep part down I’ll be grateful. At dinner with our friends, I found myself reflecting on my three-year journey in observing Ramadan. Each year I’ve gotten a little better, ” I informed them. This year is going quite swimmingly. I was able to talk a little bit about the things I am learning about the principles and practices of fasting. And while I hardly know even a little bit, I try to add the things I am learning as best I can. And at the end of the day, that’s all one really can do.
So I will sign off now, having said very little of value, with the hope I can be more coherent and better rested tomorrow. That’s the way we roll through these 3o days: sometimes I’m getting clearer on things, and others I am mired in muddled thoughts. Whether or not something is successful is often about the attitude with which one approaches things and the doing things to the best of one’s ability. That is the attitude I am taking with me on this journey. I hope to continue the positivity right on through the end of the Ramadan. We’ll see how that all goes.